Clutter, Choices and Change

Toward the end of January I fell into what I call the transitional funk. It's a strange thing for me since I experience transitions often each year, but I usually don't fall into a rut over past choices. The funk sort of feels like a mini depression, only lasting about 1-3 weeks depending on the circumstances. Mine was about a week and a half.

During that time my house became extremely cluttered. It was partly due to my laziness, but also because the husband and children never pull their weight in that department. I was lethargic to the hilt and quite honestly didn't feel like dealing with anyone whose intention was to deliver more smelly garbage on my doorstep or to take advantage of me.

Sometimes we need to shut down for a while, especially when we don't take the time to rejuvinate ourselves. I'm pretty sure that's partly to blame for the funk. That and having to mentally and spiritually clear away some recent drama that infiltrated my world unexpectedly. Keep in mind this was not caused by me nor was I the target. My written work was used by these people to hurt someone else, which really pissed me off. So I did what I do best in situations like these. I detached and temporarily shut down the lines of communication to those actively involved in the negativity.

In the midst of it all, some of the choices I've made personally and professionally floated up to the surface. My intentions were pure while making those decisions, but I felt the need to scrutinize the outcomes. Did I do the right thing back then? Would I have received a better outcome had I made another choice? What if I had waited just one more year? Am I really regretting my actions or simply trying to clear away someone else's smelly garbage? Those are the most common thoughts that go through our minds when we are getting ready to make changes in life, minus the smelly garbage comment ;)

After I took a few days to relax and focus on myself, the epiphanies came pouring in. Yes I made all the right choices for myself AND everyone in those situations. Not many people can honestly say that, can they? I should be proud of myself for not only having that ability, but for being strong enough to stand up and be the "bad guy" in order to do right by those people. I do not regret a single thing I've ever said or done. I stand by everything I write as well, especially when I'm using my personal life for examples to help others get through tough times.

Sometimes I think my delivery of certain pieces of insight or opinions could be filled with more compassion, but not one person or situation is identical. As long as I continue to view things from a spiritual perspective and also practice forgiveness on a consistant basis internally, I do not need to be worried about negative karma coming my way.

I'm not quite sure which areas of my life are getting ready to evolve, but I did get a reminder that I'm supposed to be keeping some energy for my own needs. I need to spend more quality time doing the things that make me happy. I've said this before, but I always seem to forget that one! "You are allowed to take time for yourself, Cristin! You have to in order to take care of everyone else. Hello!" are some of the thoughts that have been coming to mind lately. That one sprung me to action.

I pulled my husband aside the other day to express my dissatisfaction with the way certain things were going in our household and in my life in general. His reaction truly stunned me. First he listened quietly and then he came up with a plan to help me achieve my goals. Not professional goals, of course. I don't need him for that. Finally, he's promised to step it up and take on the issues that are not my responsibility. Wow! My only problem? I have to trust that he'll actually do it instead of taking it on all by myself just to get it done (what I believe is) the right away.


Trust. That damn issue always seems to bite me in the ass. Grrrr...
So with the help of my husband and my determination, I'm removing ALL the clutter from my mind and home. I'm going to continue making choices that's in my best interest. I'm going to allow positive change in my life, even if it's uncomfortable. I will bust my ass to TRUST and rely on my husband. It's time to LET GO of my old programming which tells me that I can only function properly alone. I've been married almost 2 years now. You'd think I would've gotten this lesson a long time ago!