World's Longest Breakup

This year cannot end fast enough!  2015, WTF? You were soooo promising yet you failed to deliver the goods, you fucker!  Sound familiar, guys?  Most of us have felt some very strong desires to  transform our lives.  I definitely have.  Usually that's a great thing, but sometimes it can be mentally and emotionally draining.

The pattern I've noticed with a lot of people is that it's not just minor stuff coming to the surface to be released this month, it's our entire foundation that's being shaken to the core.  This is especially true for those who had weak foundations to begin with.  Our belief systems about love, life, spirituality and other people are breaking down.  For some it's going to be finding out that what they've always believed about a situation or relationship turns out to be the opposite.  Illusions are shattered and hardcore truth is revealed.  That's some scary shit, but generally when one door closes another opens.  Now whether or not you choose to enter is what will create the outcome.

I'm choosing to look at December as the month of transition.  We're moving, but nothing super huge or monumental will be happening until the end of the month and quite possibly the first week of January.  This may cause a lot of people to panic because that movement seems to go at a snail's pace and can cause serious, mental anxiety.  It's probably for the best though as hasty action usually doesn't produce positive results.  Please take care of yourselves while you're waiting for life to catch up to the energy you're trying to manifest.

I've been dealing with a complete spiritual transformation.  It's mostly about setting new standards with all my relationships and getting rid of what no longer works for me in general.  I'm not just focusing on one area of my life, but ALL of them.  This feels like the world's longest breakup.  It's like I've been trying to get rid of some of these attachments for many years, but unfortunately I didn't have control over much.

For the last 6 months I've been diligently working toward releasing everything I've missed over the last decade.  To be honest, everything that's come up to the surface has been ugly and uncomfortable for me to face, but I'm sucking it up and getting through it.  I'm also opening my mouth and saying exactly what I'm thinking and feeling.  Essentially I'm behaving the way I used to before a couple of situations sucked the life out of me and squashed my ability to express myself without feeling guilt.

I mentioned in the last entry that I noticed my drive and creativity plummeted.  Of course it's my fault since I allowed it.  When we're stuck with some people and/or situations that aren't in our highest good, the best parts of us begin to die and we have to start again from scratch.  I don't believe we're victims, just people with a lot of shit to go through to evolve.

Now that we're in mid December I think I'm ready to give it a rest.  I'm letting go and allowing the Universe to guide me and I'll simply make decisions along the way.  It almost seems as though I'm back to being commitment phobic because I'm not agreeing to anything other than one day at a time for everything in my life right now.  Until my intuition gives me the green light to make physical changes or to create a plan for the future, I'm doing nothing.  Me doing nothing is seriously new and I'm looking forward to the break.

Like I mentioned earlier guys, please take care of yourselves.  Don't allow those damn psychic vampires to get into your space and suck the beauty out of you.  If you know that you're feeling incredibly low, stop what you're doing and find a way to get grounded.  If you're upset with others for doing this, please don't freak out, get insecure, panic and/or seek revenge.  Perhaps they're not moving away from you, just taking a break because their energy might be depleted.

Happy holidays!

This ONE Thing

Over the last two weeks I took a lot of time to be alone with my thoughts.  While putting things in perspective I was able to connect a little better with myself and now I'm working on creating a new routine in my daily life.  I dropped the ball over the summer after I had that damn EP study.

The current focus is allowing myself every second of alone time available to achieve my personal and professional goals.  Unfortunately I haven't stood my ground with the other people in my life for way too long and that was the first thing I knew had to change if I wanted to be happy.  Everyone got used to me doing things their way and now I'm not so this is causing some issues.  I am in the "I just don't give a fuck" mode right now, but I am working on achieving balance.  I'll get there eventually.  If people don't want to hang out and wait, then they're free to bounce at any time.  It doesn't really matter to me anymore.  My friends are very supportive though and I'm grateful.

The last few months have been extremely stressful for me emotionally, which has blocked my creativity a bit.  On the flip side, my psychic abilities have gotten to some mad level of crazy that I cannot explain.  The clarity I'm getting for myself and others is seriously blowing my mind.  Details with predictions and having them come to fruition quickly is freaking me out.  It's exciting.  I think it's because Spirit is sending me people whose predictions are supposed to happen fast so that makes my job easier.  The down side is that I'm living with people who don't believe in me so I'm having trouble dealing with that.  This one is now a deal breaker for me.

Rhea and I were talking about friends and lovers not too long ago.  Both of us have had our issues with attracting quality.  It's like we're always having to tune in when we meet people to make sure they're not super huge assholes just waiting to suck the life out of us.  It's exhausting.  I haven't had to deal with that as much as Rhea though.  I think both of us have finally stopped expecting so much.  The truth is that there is less of what we want available because we don't learn from the positive shit, only the negative.

Right now I'm trying to deal with my need to have all the significant people in my life believe in me for who I am and actually like it.  I don't know why it hasn't happened for me yet.  This is definitely a goal I'm determined to achieve and I'll do whatever it takes, even if it kills me.  I cannot imagine that I'll be able to move forward happy without this one thing.  I can make concessions on almost everything else.  Even though I'm sounding quite picky about this, I can assure you that I'm not a high maintenance woman.  It's been frustrating, but I believe that someday I will get what I want AND need from my personal life.  I just have to hold on a little while longer, I think.

The Journey To Joy: What Is Meant To Be

I've been on what seems like a psychotic emotional roller coaster for the last 5 months.  I wasn't planning on this type of a ride and it came as a shock.  The lesson in this is to never judge a book by its cover.  How things seem on the outside are not always as they appear, even if you're a participant on the inside.  I feel as though I've risen from the dead and now that I know what the other side feels like, I can't go back.  I don't want to go back.  I was buried alive and it's my own damn fault.  

Now don't get me wrong, this is not a complaint.  I am all about accountability and this awakening has shown me exactly who I am and how I got to where I am today.  Some of my decisions were great and some not so much.  Did I get what I wanted out of the situation?  No, but I got what was necessary at the time.  I was also blessed with two beautiful children.  Becoming a mother changed me.  When I held Angelo in my arms for the first time the ice melted from my heart.  I knew at that point every choice I made would be for him.  I put myself on the back burner willingly and I don't regret it.  

On the negative side, I was still carrying a lot of pain, anger and was mourning the loss of some very important people to me.  Like I said in other entries, I never took the time to feel everything.  I was moving so fast that I passed nearly all the red flags and didn't bother to read the writing on the wall.  The wall I built, by the way.  I was doing it for self-preservation, but in the end all I did was allow myself to be mistreated and taken advantage of in the worst possible ways.  I lied to myself every day and didn't even know it.  

I took the last two weeks to really think about my reality.  What's in my mind, heart and physical life.  I've questioned absolutely every facet of my being.  I spent some quality time in front of the mirror.  It wasn't as bad as I thought.  I liked the reflection, just not the environment.  Pushing my ego aside, I was able to see the truth in those emotional situations and forgive the negativity.  I'm done with ALL the garbage and am embracing the beauty in those people.  Some of them were forgiven ages ago, I just never thought it was important to say anything.  For that, I am very sorry.  The funny thing is now that the BS is gone, I still have love to give.  What an amazing discovery!  That shocked the shit out of me, to be honest.

I also want to add that everything I've been blogging about in the last few entries were about myself only.  The reference to "pointless assholes, past and present" was not geared toward anyone I love or am interacting with now.  Speaking of blogging, some of you have noticed that I changed the title.  I created this blog many years ago and I was using it as a tool to heal my spirit.  Even though I'm going through this enormous life transition, my heart has mended and I'm no longer broken.  I'm always going to have epiphanies, room to grow and change, I feel that it's time to reboot my system.  I'm in the process of shedding the old and creating space for what is meant to be for me in love and in other areas in life.

Moving forward I know I still have a great battle ahead and I'm not looking forward to it.  Due to recent events I believe I no longer have any decisions left to make when it comes to my personal life right now and that's a relief.  The Universe and other people are going to determine how things will play out and when.  This time I'm going to be meticulous about following my intuition and do what I know is right.

Today's Lesson:

Always follow your heart.  Doubt is just fear getting in the way of your true happiness.

News

Hey everyone! Sorry I've been MIA for a bit.  I have been making a lot of changes to MW.org and the blog.  My schedule has been insane as well.  Thank you so much for your patience while I'm going through this difficult transition.  It's taking a lot longer than I anticipated.  I have decided to leave the old version of MW.org active instead of completely shutting down as I originally planned.

Based on some of your emails I received this past week I'm clearly not alone in dealing with the month from Hell, LOL.  For those of you who are interested, here is a great site that explains the astrological phases we go through weekly. Cafe Astrology

The new moon on the 11th was uneventful for me, but I am interested in hearing about your experience if anything special occurred so feel free to email me at mysticwonderorg@gmail.com 

Please remember to update your bookmarks to this new blog URL.  I will have it linked to the website when I relaunch.  Like I said earlier, it's taken me longer than I'd like so unfortunately I am not sure when I'll have everything uploaded and updated.

I hope you're all enjoying your weekend so far.

xoxo,
Cristin

The Journey To Joy: Trust and Denial

I am an Aquarius woman and a serious bitch, especially when it comes to my expectations with trust and loyalty.  I am unapologetic about this personality trait as it has served me well with filtering out useless assholes, past and present.  Some get through the cracks for sure, but those are the ones with a purpose and generally it's to present me a major life lesson or two...maybe three, but probably four or five since we usually don't get it right with only a few attempts.  This is something we all have in common.

One of the problems with being an Aquarian woman with trust issues is that once we fall on the sword it's difficult to come back, whether or not it's by our own volition.  I don't always blame others for  my issues.  Most of the time I check myself first, then take responsibility for my thoughts and actions (or inaction), depending on the situation.

As I'm sure most of you have already figured out I'm going through quite the personal and spiritual ordeal on the home front.   I feel like I've literally ripped through my insides and cleared out some decayed bullshit I've been holding onto for years.  I didn't even realize it was in there until I woke up one morning in July and lost my damn mind for no visible reason.  This was Spirit's way of kicking my ass into gear.  This awakening is the strongest of mine to date and it almost feels Earth shattering.  I still don't know everything, but it's going to be life altering when all is said and done.

Those effing trust issues have come up again.  This time through my marriage.  Things from his past came back that affected me deeply.  It's now part of the present and something I'm uncomfortable living with.  My reaction was strong and harsh, although I feel justified.  This particular situation was one of the catalysts that dropped me into uncharted territory.  I've since realized that I haven't been myself and do not feel as though I can be in this situation, no matter what I'm told.

Like I said earlier, I'm not one to come back easily after being stabbed in the back.  I don't recall a time when I've returned to people who have done this to me.  Sure I can exist in your presence for a period of time, but I do so on edge.  Things are different now that I'm approaching 40.  20 years ago I'd forgive, forget and still be nice.  As time marches on my patience wears thin.   I believe this is true for a lot of people.  The only way a situation like this can be saved is if there's real, true love involved.  This is what I've been questioning...so due to that, the answer to me is obvious.  Now I have to deal with it.

There's a positive and negative side to almost everything we go through in life.  Today I'm facing the emotions derived from denial.  I am getting a shit ton of epiphanies, none of which are happy, but all very informative.  The strongest realization I had was that my healing process was lacking honesty.  I would be in an emotional situation and did not allow myself to FEEL it, inside and out.  I would just DO whatever I could to erase the pain.  My mindset was always go Go GO GOOOOOOOOO, girl.  I should have stopped, taken a breath and let myself feel it ALL.  It was an accident, really.  I thought I was and by moving my ass I was going toward something better or at least in my highest good.  Now it's biting me.. HARD!  The positive aspect of denial is actually being out of it.  Though it doesn't look nice on the surface, I'm happy I'm done with it for the time being.

Now I have another choice to make.  After looking at my shortcomings from the past I know that I don't have enough information to do anything yet.  I can only handle one thing at a time so right now I'm trying to stay focused on my personal needs, which includes blogging the shit out of my emotions.  I truly wish I didn't have so much personal garbage to discard, but I do, so I write.  Blah, blah, blah until it gets resolved.  I'm pretty sure that all these epiphanies about being in and out of denial will eventually help me clear away those effing trust issues.  I sure hope so otherwise I'll be one unhappy woman and that doesn't feel good.

Today's Lesson:

Face and feel your pain.  If you don't, it'll come back until you do.  It's easier to deal with the first time around.

The Journey To Joy: Getting There

It's time to get back to being myself.  I know that when it all comes out I'm going to get rejected by a lot of people, but I'm at the point where I just don't fucking care.  I can't tell you how excited this makes me.  I've always been one to live without having regrets, but unfortunately that stopped when I got pregnant with my first son.  I had no idea what the hell I was doing or what was actually happening.  All that really matters is realizing that you've screwed up and put forth the effort to fix things as soon as possible.  This is what I'm doing now!

The last decade is a blur to me and it went by SO fast.  My only fear now is failing to experience the life I'm truly meant to have and to attract the people that make sense for me.  This is going to take some time to accomplish and I'm going to allow the Universe to decide without dumping my entire being into this process.  I'll do my part and let the chips fall.

Here are the main things that got resolved for me thanks to the full moon on Oct. 27th and also the planetary alignment of Mars, Jupiter and Venus (Oct. 27-29)!

* Husband finally sees reality and acknowledged his bullshit.  He understands my bullshit.

* I had two decisions to make this week.  One has been made and the other path I'm hoping will present itself naturally.  It appears as though now is not the time.

* I'm focusing on the health and happiness of my boys and I.  This is my main priority for the rest of the year.


Life lesson of the week so far:

Don't be afraid to speak your truth and follow through.  Fear shows us what we don't want and is not our real destiny, unless we choose to make it so.  

The Journey To Joy: Confessions

I'm all about the truth.  Say it, show it and BE it as much as you possibly can.  I work hard at this every single day.  It's not easy when other people's feelings are involved, but still I do my best.  I've become a tad bit impatient where a personal situation is concerned and I had to fill in the gaps with some information.

I received a very calm and almost emotionless reaction, which didn't exactly surprise me.  That in itself seems like the confirmation to all the craziness I had in my head.  What bothers me is not the lack of emotion, but the solution moving forward.  There is still a lack of acceptance going on which puts me between a rock and a hard place.  Timing is what is getting on my nerves at the moment.

When we unload the stuff blocking our spirits from soaring, generally we feel as though the weight of the world has been released from our shoulders.  This did not happen for me.  The husband is right.  Letting go is the solution.  He's just wrong about what I should be letting go of.  What some people don't understand is that you can't truly let go of anything until you've released the negative aspects from your mind and heart.  This is what forgiveness is.  Once that occurs you will see things clearly and make the right decision about which path to take in the future.    

Though I know I'm seeing things as they really are, I'm being met with great resistance.  When this happens it's a sign to stop, relax and meditate.  Get through the darkness with patience then gather the strength to rip off the band-aid and take a flying leap into the unknown.  I can say that everything is out in the open and I do feel slightly better.  

Ultimately nobody gets the final say for how I'm going to live my life and with whom.  Though I'm not the only person affected by the decisions made, I'm the only one responsible for creating and maintaining my happiness.  This is not a responsibility the husband wants to take on or be a part of, as he's said often.  Obviously I'm going to respect that.  

Over time I've learned that I cannot rely on anyone, other than myself, in the process of transformation.  I've also accepted that some opinions given to me are from people who have an ulterior motive and not my best interests at heart.  A terribly disheartening feeling, to say the least, but it's my reality.  Generally the truth is supposed to set you free.  Going to confession is supposed to liberate your soul.  Perhaps it has for me, but not for everyone in this situation yet.  So I wait...