Divorcing The Brat

Every Christmas since my father left us (for another woman) has been awful for my family.  My sister married and had her kids at a young age because she wanted to fill the emptiness inside her soul.  My mother and I shared the real life scrooge mentality for many years.

It wasn't until my son turned 3 that I felt a tiny bit of Christmas cheer trying to peep through a dime sized opening in my heart.  Even then I didn't fully embrace the true spirit of the holidays, Thanksgiving included.

I had a nasty confrontation with my grandparents this past summer and I came to realize the truth behind my father's poor behavior as a parent and why he's such an awful person.  He and my uncle were raised to be spoiled brats.  Both men dropped their children post divorce and didn't give a damn.  Both men don't have a relationship with their kids or grandchildren.  My father hasn't even met my family and never will.  For YEARS people tried to tell me that my grandparents were innocent in all of this mess, but truth be told, they're the reason for it.

They raised their boys to be this way.  My grandparents also spoke negatively about their own grandchildren, especially myself and a female cousin, for over 20 years.  I grew up believing lies about her and other members of that side of the family.  I was robbed of a relationship with them.  I'm disgusted by their behavior and ashamed to have carried that name over to my son via hyphenate.  That will be legally changed soon, believe me.   

They blame "divorce" when they should be blaming themselves.  

Though I sound pissed and believe me, I was when this went down, I am finally healed.  I'm divorcing the brat that's been controlling my life for the last 2 decades.  I never have to feel obligated to that man and his parents ever again.  I am no longer tied to them even though they're partially responsible for mine and my son's DNA.  My 'lil buddy will not see me tense up when a Christmas carol is played over the radio or when it's time to discuss holiday plans for our family.  When my stepdaughters come home for their long holiday vacation, our house will look like Christmas broke in and threw up everywhere.  They'll love it though, LOL.

If we get a decent amount of snow this year I'll invest in sleds and get my ass on those hills, which is something I haven't done since I was a young child.  There will be snowmen residing on my front lawn.  I won't cringe and be visibly disgusted while exposed to the extreme amount of holiday cheer at Wal-Mart, Target, Sam's Club and other department stores.  I may actually venture out to the mall this year, but don't expect me to stand in that long ass line for Santa.  My time is still precious, ya know.

I solemnly swear to spend more money on decorations than presents this year.  I truly believe it's more important to create new traditions than spend (too much) money on shit they'll never keep.   

Memories are forever.  I want them to be good from now on.