Over the years I’ve covered many topics. Everything from sorrow to self-help. I opened the door to my private life and shared my personal experiences through blogging, which not only served as a therapeutic punching bag, but allowed others to connect with me on a personal level. I didn’t realize that the things I’ve published has had meaning for so many people. That was until they emailed me their thoughts. I’ve been so blessed, especially lately, to have received a lot of thankful comments for bluntly putting myself out there, flaws and all. So I decided to go back in time and read everything I’ve ever written.
What’s hitting me hard is seeing how much I’ve grown emotionally and spiritually from the time I was a teenager until now. There were moments I would cringe as I re-lived some of my experiences. I thought to myself, “I can’t believe I was that way. What the hell was I thinking back then?” There are certain things, like my spiritual belief system for example, that hasn’t changed. What I want out of life personally and professionally has though and believe me, it was definitely for the better.
I think the worst thing I’ve ever done is self-sabotage. In hindsight, I believe I did it with everything. Though I’ve documented my great leaps of faith and journeys to the unknown, I still found a way to keep myself from achieving greatness. How sad. Now I can honestly say that’s my only regret and it’s something I will never do again.
I noticed a pattern lying dormant within my writing. It seems that I’ve always had to fight immense negative forces to be happy, whether self imposed or not. It’s as if every time I get close to a certain level of contentment, peace or joy, somebody wants to take me down. I either have to get rid of them from my inner circle or defend myself in an unnecessary war. I know I’m not alone on this one. I’ve heard so many people say they’ve had to go through it as well, especially these days. All of this has lead me to ask, why?
Why do people let jealousy rule their being?Why do people target those they don’t even know?Why do people become so enraged that their friend is happy they make it their mission to destroy their life?Why does one go behind a friend’s back to sabotage their relationships and/or career?Why do some people spend so much of their energy worrying about what someone else has or what they’re doing?Why do some people lie, cheat, steal and manipulate to get what they want?Why can’t people just be happy with their own special gifts and talents?
Keep in mind, I’m very much aware of my own shortcomings and the limitations I’ve placed upon myself over the years. I’ve been on a quest for peace for some time now and I think that’s the source of my frustration. We can’t live perfect lives and we most certainly can’t have a perfect environment all the time, but why is it so difficult to achieve consistency? If it’s not one thing, it’s another and quite frankly, I’m sick of it. Aren’t you?
Even though I created the “why list” above, I actually know the answers. What really annoys me is the fact that we NEED people like that in our lives. Why? To allow each and every one of us the opportunity to live with true balance. So what’s my lesson in all of this ranting? TOLERANCE. Yup! Apparently I let my skills in this realm fall by the wayside and it’s time to practice for an up and coming game I don’t feel like playing. Unfortunately though, I don’t have a choice so I guess I might as well roll with the punches.
Ah yes, games. I played soccer and was very passionate about it for many years. Being on a team made me feel as though I was a part of something great, especially when we won (of course). That’s how I’m feeling about my life now. I’m a part of something wonderful and fulfilling, but there are a few people who don’t want me to have this experience. What I’m going through really is like a sporting event. When a good player emerges from the pack, the opposing team targets that person to prevent them from scoring and/or assisting their teammates to become victorious. Forget the fact that there’s a coach involved, it’s ALL about that particular player. Hmmm.
The rules of soccer are closely related to the rules we all abide by in our daily lives. In soccer, you can’t use your hands (cheating) and you can’t physically harm another player. You get a yellow card (warning) and if you do it again, you receive a red card which takes you out of the game. In the real world, we have laws that are supposed to protect us against those who intend us harm. We actually have a law in the United States that prosecutes people for perjury so why do some folks exhibit this type of behavior outside a court of law? Is it because they think they can get away with it?
What exactly have I done to warrant all this attention? Perhaps I made a couple of moves which appear to be fancy, difficult and showcases my talent. Maybe I’ve done nothing at all, but what I do know is that my opposition believes something and instead of attempting to see the truth, they’re trying to take me down so that my team becomes ineffectual. In this particular case, they’re breaking the rules by lying and using other unscrupulous methods to come out on top. Nice. You know what I think about all of this nonsense? My opposition shouldn’t be playing this game at all. Since they feel the need to lie, cheat and steal to win, they obviously don’t possess the natural talent required to be successful on their own.
In lieu of everything going on at the moment, I guess Spirit wants me to pull some tolerance out of my back pocket. That and perhaps some empathy. It’s very hard to do when you’re being attacked for no good reason, but how wonderful would it be if I can pull this one off? The Karmic rewards for a feat so difficult could potentially change the course of my life forever. It’s too bad my opposition doesn’t see things the same way I do, but I guess that’s their cross to bear when all is said and done.
Things to Work On Today:
* Tolerance
* Empathy
* Inner strength
* Karmic rewards
* The big picture
What’s hitting me hard is seeing how much I’ve grown emotionally and spiritually from the time I was a teenager until now. There were moments I would cringe as I re-lived some of my experiences. I thought to myself, “I can’t believe I was that way. What the hell was I thinking back then?” There are certain things, like my spiritual belief system for example, that hasn’t changed. What I want out of life personally and professionally has though and believe me, it was definitely for the better.
I think the worst thing I’ve ever done is self-sabotage. In hindsight, I believe I did it with everything. Though I’ve documented my great leaps of faith and journeys to the unknown, I still found a way to keep myself from achieving greatness. How sad. Now I can honestly say that’s my only regret and it’s something I will never do again.
I noticed a pattern lying dormant within my writing. It seems that I’ve always had to fight immense negative forces to be happy, whether self imposed or not. It’s as if every time I get close to a certain level of contentment, peace or joy, somebody wants to take me down. I either have to get rid of them from my inner circle or defend myself in an unnecessary war. I know I’m not alone on this one. I’ve heard so many people say they’ve had to go through it as well, especially these days. All of this has lead me to ask, why?
Why do people let jealousy rule their being?Why do people target those they don’t even know?Why do people become so enraged that their friend is happy they make it their mission to destroy their life?Why does one go behind a friend’s back to sabotage their relationships and/or career?Why do some people spend so much of their energy worrying about what someone else has or what they’re doing?Why do some people lie, cheat, steal and manipulate to get what they want?Why can’t people just be happy with their own special gifts and talents?
Keep in mind, I’m very much aware of my own shortcomings and the limitations I’ve placed upon myself over the years. I’ve been on a quest for peace for some time now and I think that’s the source of my frustration. We can’t live perfect lives and we most certainly can’t have a perfect environment all the time, but why is it so difficult to achieve consistency? If it’s not one thing, it’s another and quite frankly, I’m sick of it. Aren’t you?
Even though I created the “why list” above, I actually know the answers. What really annoys me is the fact that we NEED people like that in our lives. Why? To allow each and every one of us the opportunity to live with true balance. So what’s my lesson in all of this ranting? TOLERANCE. Yup! Apparently I let my skills in this realm fall by the wayside and it’s time to practice for an up and coming game I don’t feel like playing. Unfortunately though, I don’t have a choice so I guess I might as well roll with the punches.
Ah yes, games. I played soccer and was very passionate about it for many years. Being on a team made me feel as though I was a part of something great, especially when we won (of course). That’s how I’m feeling about my life now. I’m a part of something wonderful and fulfilling, but there are a few people who don’t want me to have this experience. What I’m going through really is like a sporting event. When a good player emerges from the pack, the opposing team targets that person to prevent them from scoring and/or assisting their teammates to become victorious. Forget the fact that there’s a coach involved, it’s ALL about that particular player. Hmmm.
The rules of soccer are closely related to the rules we all abide by in our daily lives. In soccer, you can’t use your hands (cheating) and you can’t physically harm another player. You get a yellow card (warning) and if you do it again, you receive a red card which takes you out of the game. In the real world, we have laws that are supposed to protect us against those who intend us harm. We actually have a law in the United States that prosecutes people for perjury so why do some folks exhibit this type of behavior outside a court of law? Is it because they think they can get away with it?
What exactly have I done to warrant all this attention? Perhaps I made a couple of moves which appear to be fancy, difficult and showcases my talent. Maybe I’ve done nothing at all, but what I do know is that my opposition believes something and instead of attempting to see the truth, they’re trying to take me down so that my team becomes ineffectual. In this particular case, they’re breaking the rules by lying and using other unscrupulous methods to come out on top. Nice. You know what I think about all of this nonsense? My opposition shouldn’t be playing this game at all. Since they feel the need to lie, cheat and steal to win, they obviously don’t possess the natural talent required to be successful on their own.
In lieu of everything going on at the moment, I guess Spirit wants me to pull some tolerance out of my back pocket. That and perhaps some empathy. It’s very hard to do when you’re being attacked for no good reason, but how wonderful would it be if I can pull this one off? The Karmic rewards for a feat so difficult could potentially change the course of my life forever. It’s too bad my opposition doesn’t see things the same way I do, but I guess that’s their cross to bear when all is said and done.
Things to Work On Today:
* Tolerance
* Empathy
* Inner strength
* Karmic rewards
* The big picture
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