Every year I write an entry that focuses on my past. Reflections of what went wrong, what I learned about myself and how each experience has helped me evolve. I used to post during the Fall, however, I decided to forgo my normal pattern and the usual "whoa is me I suck, but I'll fix it" rant. Why? I think it's because this past year I didn't suck and there wasn't a lot to fix. Only temporary circumstances to work through.
It's interesting though. I speak to a lot of people every day in my line of work and roughly 85% have reported that 2009 was the most trying and energy depleting year they've had in a long time. At one point I would've said the same thing. Today though, I've decided to eliminate those particular feelings and just focus on some events that have lead me to being grateful.
January 31st, 2009- I graduated from my 20's
That's right folks, I'm grateful for my 30th birthday. Sounds silly, I know. When that day hit I actually felt like a ton of bricks fell off my shoulders and I became a new person. Being a mother to Angelo and having my (then) boyfriend's daughters living in my home made me feel older. Turning 30 just solidified the lifestyle I was living. Plus, I've always felt more mature than my age so that day I finally felt as though I could accept myself completely.
April 2009- Dave made an honest woman out of me
I still can't believe I actually got married. For years I didn't feel marriage was for me. The idea of being legally connected to someone FOREVER never suited my nature. I'm not sure it does even today, although my relationship with my husband is fantastic. I tend to view the relationship and the marriage as two separate entities. The love stuff is the relationship and the marriage is the business partnership. I've never been one to work with others, you see. Especially when it comes to business.
I had to drop the words, "me, my and mine" from the vocabulary I habitually verbalized. This is been very difficult for me as I'm not used to depending on anyone else, nor did I want to. This can be attributed to the way I was raised. It took me many years to see that it was possible to have healthy, happy and equal relationships with people. Being self-sufficient isn't a crime, but I took it to the extreme for a very long time.
So why am I grateful for getting married? I have a long list, but the most important one is this: I have been given the opportunity to change my views, break habits and have the space to do so. Thanks husband.
July 30th, 2009- Angelo turned 1 yrs old
My son's 1st birthday was a huge wake-up call for me. I was in shock. I woke up that morning thinking, "Oh my God I gave birth a year ago. Holy shit." That was something else I thought I'd never want and never, ever do. Imagine me laying there just after Angelo arrived. They placed the baby on my stomach and we just stared at one another, LOL. My midwife said to me, "It's ok Cristin. You can touch him." So I took my pointer finger and lightly grazed his forehead, just to make sure he was real. "Holy shit, there's a baby on my belly and I pushed him out! " I think I said "Holy shit" a lot that day.
So on his 1st birthday I thought about the previous 12 months and wondered where the time went and how I actually did it all. Raising a newborn, taking care of my step-daughters, getting married, working and much more. I realized that I was capable of things I never anticipated and I'm grateful for that epiphany.
Overview of 2009
In general, a lot of stressful situations were inflicted upon my friends, family and clients. So many major life changes were implemented this year and it seems as though our work was cut out for us. Some of us got through it and some are still going through it. The good news is that we're all survivors in our own way. There is a great deal of HOPE coming in from the abundance of the Universe and the loving support of people around us.
In hindsight, 2009 was the most life changing year I've ever experienced. Every event has contributed to a massive growth spurt for me mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Even the little things that I don't normally focus on has helped me achieve a new level of self-awareness, stability and acceptance. I was shown how strong I truly am and that, my friends, has been the greatest gift I've received this past year.
I really do have a long list of things I'm grateful for, but now I'm going to take that list, expand it and also create something spectacular that I can be proud of during this next year. I feel like 2010 is going to be bigger and better. I'm so excited to embark on a new journey. Though each year brings many lessons and tremendous growth, I believe this time I'm in the healthiest place to achieve all of my goals, without any regrets.
It's interesting though. I speak to a lot of people every day in my line of work and roughly 85% have reported that 2009 was the most trying and energy depleting year they've had in a long time. At one point I would've said the same thing. Today though, I've decided to eliminate those particular feelings and just focus on some events that have lead me to being grateful.
January 31st, 2009- I graduated from my 20's
That's right folks, I'm grateful for my 30th birthday. Sounds silly, I know. When that day hit I actually felt like a ton of bricks fell off my shoulders and I became a new person. Being a mother to Angelo and having my (then) boyfriend's daughters living in my home made me feel older. Turning 30 just solidified the lifestyle I was living. Plus, I've always felt more mature than my age so that day I finally felt as though I could accept myself completely.
April 2009- Dave made an honest woman out of me
I still can't believe I actually got married. For years I didn't feel marriage was for me. The idea of being legally connected to someone FOREVER never suited my nature. I'm not sure it does even today, although my relationship with my husband is fantastic. I tend to view the relationship and the marriage as two separate entities. The love stuff is the relationship and the marriage is the business partnership. I've never been one to work with others, you see. Especially when it comes to business.
I had to drop the words, "me, my and mine" from the vocabulary I habitually verbalized. This is been very difficult for me as I'm not used to depending on anyone else, nor did I want to. This can be attributed to the way I was raised. It took me many years to see that it was possible to have healthy, happy and equal relationships with people. Being self-sufficient isn't a crime, but I took it to the extreme for a very long time.
So why am I grateful for getting married? I have a long list, but the most important one is this: I have been given the opportunity to change my views, break habits and have the space to do so. Thanks husband.
July 30th, 2009- Angelo turned 1 yrs old
My son's 1st birthday was a huge wake-up call for me. I was in shock. I woke up that morning thinking, "Oh my God I gave birth a year ago. Holy shit." That was something else I thought I'd never want and never, ever do. Imagine me laying there just after Angelo arrived. They placed the baby on my stomach and we just stared at one another, LOL. My midwife said to me, "It's ok Cristin. You can touch him." So I took my pointer finger and lightly grazed his forehead, just to make sure he was real. "Holy shit, there's a baby on my belly and I pushed him out! " I think I said "Holy shit" a lot that day.
So on his 1st birthday I thought about the previous 12 months and wondered where the time went and how I actually did it all. Raising a newborn, taking care of my step-daughters, getting married, working and much more. I realized that I was capable of things I never anticipated and I'm grateful for that epiphany.
Overview of 2009
In general, a lot of stressful situations were inflicted upon my friends, family and clients. So many major life changes were implemented this year and it seems as though our work was cut out for us. Some of us got through it and some are still going through it. The good news is that we're all survivors in our own way. There is a great deal of HOPE coming in from the abundance of the Universe and the loving support of people around us.
In hindsight, 2009 was the most life changing year I've ever experienced. Every event has contributed to a massive growth spurt for me mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Even the little things that I don't normally focus on has helped me achieve a new level of self-awareness, stability and acceptance. I was shown how strong I truly am and that, my friends, has been the greatest gift I've received this past year.
I really do have a long list of things I'm grateful for, but now I'm going to take that list, expand it and also create something spectacular that I can be proud of during this next year. I feel like 2010 is going to be bigger and better. I'm so excited to embark on a new journey. Though each year brings many lessons and tremendous growth, I believe this time I'm in the healthiest place to achieve all of my goals, without any regrets.
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