I feel as though I've been living a fast paced life for a few years now. My only regret is that I haven't slowed down enough to enjoy it as much as I could have. Part of that is due to other people's negative reactions over some of the choices I've made. Even though I did my very best to brush them aside since I don't care for these particular people, their actions have affected the emotional well being of others in my life and those energies have come back to me, much like the boomerang effect.
Nobody is perfect and it takes a lot of work to keep that BS at bay, but I've tried and hoped for the best. Now I've come to realize that sometimes "trying" just isn't the way to go. Either you do or you don't. Trying is just another way to justify not following through completely and I think I've been guilty of that at times. I'm not talking about communication here. If you try to work something out with another person and they want nothing to do with it, well, that's acceptable. Making excuses for things only you control within yourself is another story.
I've never been one to rely on anyone else to take care of me. Perhaps that's something my parents did right. Even though I often felt abandoned by both of them, it put me in the position to do things on my own, physically and emotionally. That may not have been their intention, but feelings are never wrong. I'm proud of the choices I made moving into adulthood and I cannot credit anyone but myself for that.
Some of my challenges in the last decade were recognizing good people, allowing them into my life and giving myself the opportunity to rely on them in small ways. I needed to learn how to do all those things and integrate my independence as well. I believe I've gotten to that point, but I'm tested quite often.
Self-care starts with having the ability to emotionally handle the situations we face without "going over the edge". Most of us have experienced being stuck in a rut or feeling as though we cannot find a solution to a situation we have deemed important. There are 3 essential steps we need to conquer in order to be successful with self-care.
Face Reality
The first step to healing oneself is taking a good look in the mirror and accepting the truth in its reflection. Sometimes it appears promising and other times disgusting. I've done that exercise a lot in the past thinking I wouldn't ever have to repeat, but that turned out to be false. Even when we grow and allow change into our lives, we're still presented with different realities, tested to accept them and challenged to rise above.
Acceptance
This does not mean we have to like what life is giving us. Acceptance is acknowledging truth. Instead of emotionally reacting in a negative manner, use it to move forward and create a better reality.
"I understand that no matter what I do, Jill does not like me. I will not attempt to change for her and I will not expect her to change her opinion."
If you practice the definition of insanity (repeating the same things and expecting a different result), nothing will change. If you practice acceptance, that negative influence will eventually disappear and you'll be able to function properly. That person may not go away, but you will no longer feel the daggers they're tossing in your direction.
Forgiveness
This means letting go of all the negativity in your situation. You're no longer holding on to anger, resentment, pain or frustration. You're no longer allowing the past to provoke emotional reactions which lead you to making decisions you regret. Finally, you no longer live your life for someone else.
Now that it seems as though I have the emotional aspects of self-care under control, I'm going to focus my energy on the physical. I need to create a monthly pampering schedule for myself and stick to it this time. Consistency seems to be an issue for a lot of us and unfortunately, it's the most important thing we can do for ourselves while trying to lead healthy and happy lives.
For more information on this, please refer to the previous entries, Spring Renewal and The Act of Balance.
No comments:
Post a Comment