It's that time of the year again...FALL! My favorite season! Right now Mercury is in retrograde so it's fitting that I'm in the midst of some major soul searching. This has become an energetic tradition for me since 2000. Whether I like it or not, it's time to clear out this past year's smelly garbage, so here we go!
In 2012 we lost a few family members and the timing was quite tragic. This year was worse in a way. Even though I didn't lose anyone to death, I lost my best friend due to alcohol and an eating disorder, which was caused mostly by her issues stemming from the death of her son in 2008 and those unhealthy people she associates with. I had to leave our friendship of 30 years because I can no longer trust her and cannot have her around my children. She has become toxic. When I visited her in my home town over the summer, I couldn't believe my eyes. I had my suspicions, but she was way worse than I could ever have imagined. I confronted her and then reached out to her family. When I told her what I had done, she lost her damn mind. Typical addict behavior.
People say that you're not a good friend if you bail on someone when they need you the most and if you're not present for their worst, you don't deserve them at their best. This is not always true. I'm not bailing on her. Being as though I'm in another state I can't do much, but will make myself available if her family ever decides to have an intervention. I wish I could just swoop in and remove all those toxic bastards that are enabling and poisoning my best friend. I wish I could physically force her into rehab. I wish her son had never died, leaving me with survivor's guilt (our sons were born 4 weeks apart). There are so many things I wish I could change for her. Until she's on her way to becoming her true self again, I have to stay away. No matter what, I don't deserve and will not take her abuse.
My children are my main priority.
On a positive note, I was given confirmation as to why I stayed away from certain members of my biological family for many years and that it was the BEST decision I could've made. I received another for one of my major beliefs on parenting:
If you are a victim of bad parenting, look at those who came before mom and dad. Divorce doesn't turn sad kids into bitter adults. Bad parenting does. You cannot expect a child to grow up loving you, honoring you and being loyal to you when you treat them like dirt.
Finally I'm able to close the book on that unfortunate part of my life forever.
This past year has been nothing but a bunch of divine events, clearly designed to remove who and what wasn't working to allow more room in my energy for people and things that are in my highest good. This cycle has been on repeat and I can't imagine I'll be done until December 31st. This is all making sense to me because the husband and I have made decisions that will positively affect us in 2014 and evoke major change in our lives. In order for this to actually happen, I needed more space in my energy, which is why all of these divine events are happening now, versus two years from now.
What's a little bizarre to me is the theme of these divine events. I'm not quite there yet, but I am approaching the beginning of the mid-life crisis age group. Yep, I'm already getting flashes of what it's like to die, my family's circumstances when I do and connecting with my one regret:
I spent WAY too much time dealing with and thinking about the WRONG people.
I embraced the right people as well, so there was true balance in all my dealings throughout the years. Those who came and left played a major role in my development. Of course I'm eternally grateful for the lessons I received during those times. I don't miss the ones who went out of their way to be vindictive and I don't worry about the demise of those relationships. As for the situations that never got off the ground completely, I believe the Universe was protecting me from those people as I wasn't supposed to endure more pain and heartache. Everyone is getting what they deserve as far as I'm concerned.
You know you're truly in a healthy place when you no longer waste a second of your time with those who aren't worth an ounce of your energy. Those people are obvious from the get-go. You just have to make sure you aren't knee deep in your issues to recognize them. Know who you are and what you want. Don't sacrifice your core beliefs to appease another for their approval. You'll only be left with major regret if you do.
In 2012 we lost a few family members and the timing was quite tragic. This year was worse in a way. Even though I didn't lose anyone to death, I lost my best friend due to alcohol and an eating disorder, which was caused mostly by her issues stemming from the death of her son in 2008 and those unhealthy people she associates with. I had to leave our friendship of 30 years because I can no longer trust her and cannot have her around my children. She has become toxic. When I visited her in my home town over the summer, I couldn't believe my eyes. I had my suspicions, but she was way worse than I could ever have imagined. I confronted her and then reached out to her family. When I told her what I had done, she lost her damn mind. Typical addict behavior.
People say that you're not a good friend if you bail on someone when they need you the most and if you're not present for their worst, you don't deserve them at their best. This is not always true. I'm not bailing on her. Being as though I'm in another state I can't do much, but will make myself available if her family ever decides to have an intervention. I wish I could just swoop in and remove all those toxic bastards that are enabling and poisoning my best friend. I wish I could physically force her into rehab. I wish her son had never died, leaving me with survivor's guilt (our sons were born 4 weeks apart). There are so many things I wish I could change for her. Until she's on her way to becoming her true self again, I have to stay away. No matter what, I don't deserve and will not take her abuse.
My children are my main priority.
On a positive note, I was given confirmation as to why I stayed away from certain members of my biological family for many years and that it was the BEST decision I could've made. I received another for one of my major beliefs on parenting:
If you are a victim of bad parenting, look at those who came before mom and dad. Divorce doesn't turn sad kids into bitter adults. Bad parenting does. You cannot expect a child to grow up loving you, honoring you and being loyal to you when you treat them like dirt.
Finally I'm able to close the book on that unfortunate part of my life forever.
This past year has been nothing but a bunch of divine events, clearly designed to remove who and what wasn't working to allow more room in my energy for people and things that are in my highest good. This cycle has been on repeat and I can't imagine I'll be done until December 31st. This is all making sense to me because the husband and I have made decisions that will positively affect us in 2014 and evoke major change in our lives. In order for this to actually happen, I needed more space in my energy, which is why all of these divine events are happening now, versus two years from now.
What's a little bizarre to me is the theme of these divine events. I'm not quite there yet, but I am approaching the beginning of the mid-life crisis age group. Yep, I'm already getting flashes of what it's like to die, my family's circumstances when I do and connecting with my one regret:
I spent WAY too much time dealing with and thinking about the WRONG people.
I embraced the right people as well, so there was true balance in all my dealings throughout the years. Those who came and left played a major role in my development. Of course I'm eternally grateful for the lessons I received during those times. I don't miss the ones who went out of their way to be vindictive and I don't worry about the demise of those relationships. As for the situations that never got off the ground completely, I believe the Universe was protecting me from those people as I wasn't supposed to endure more pain and heartache. Everyone is getting what they deserve as far as I'm concerned.
You know you're truly in a healthy place when you no longer waste a second of your time with those who aren't worth an ounce of your energy. Those people are obvious from the get-go. You just have to make sure you aren't knee deep in your issues to recognize them. Know who you are and what you want. Don't sacrifice your core beliefs to appease another for their approval. You'll only be left with major regret if you do.
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