I had a VERY interesting conversation with someone about playing the victim role and those who choose the power of being an authority figure with impure intent. I have been able to associate all of this with a paradox from my past and thank God I’m able to put the pieces together on my own, without the aid of unsavory figures trying to lead me astray from my truth.
Of course not everything is crystal clear, however, I’m aware of my own blemishes and contributions to those situations and will be accountable, whether I was right or wrong in the process of discovery. I don’t believe in victims when it comes to emotionally charged ordeals. The key factor in playing that role is denial. If you are unaware of the truth, how can you own up to the choices you’ve made? If you cannot see outside your self-confined box without windows and only place blame on others, how are you able to make the changes to create a healthier, happier existence? You can’t.
On the flip side, a lot of us have seen the truth while we were involved with someone romantically or otherwise, but chose to avoid the inevitable by putting on those rose tinted glasses. Damn, those things are always available to us aren’t they? The challenge is to practice will power when given the choice to wear them. Will power is a tricky thing. I have to say that mine is fueled by pride. If I’m adamant about an idea, the choice to walk away seems relatively simple from a physical standpoint. Then reality sets in and I’m forced to see the situation from a neutral perspective and re-adjust my opinions.
I am not a victim and I refuse to act as such. With this refusal comes the smashing of my pride and tossing aside expectations of myself and others. It’s not an easy feat, but absolutely necessary if the goal is achieving peace in my environment. I will do whatever it takes to see myself as I am and my best to see others for their truth as well. The one thing that prevents this from happening is actually getting something tangible to go on. I’ve always thought that if you get nothing, you can’t believe anything, but this is easier said than done. Our emotions always taint our perceptions, for good or ill. What’s worse is when you’re dealing with outside influences who toss their 2 cents in, but only contributing hearsay and confusing the situation even more.
I’ve been thinking about those blemishes and I found one that makes me more normal than I’d like. BLAME. Yep. I’ve been guilty of placing blame on someone without having concrete proof. With the situation I’m referring to, I realize that I’ve been a resident of Easy Street and I hate living there! So why, if I dislike that location so much, do I continue to renovate my home and converse with the neighbors instead of moving on? Oh wait! I AM moving, it’s just taking FOREVER to do it. I’m slow, but aren’t we all? When we know we have to do something that isn’t appealing, we take our sweet ‘ol time and all it does is delay our arrival to the true destination. This would be the town of Happyville.
Here’s a thought: Maybe taking Easy Street is just a detour, but will lead us to Happyville anyway. Living in Michigan is a nightmare when it comes to road construction. It always happens when we least expect it and there’s no control over the circumstances. We’re always forced to take a different route during the summer. The funny thing about construction is that there’s always a choice involved. We can sit in traffic for hours on one road, but a detour is always offered. My dumb ass usually passes on the detour, especially in areas that I’m unfamiliar with.
My fear is that I’ll get lost and have to call someone for directions, sounding like a complete idiot. As long as I get there, I shouldn’t care how it happens or how silly I look while I’m traveling. So what if I get lost? That’s life. Sometimes getting lost can introduce us to places, people and things we never would have known existed unless we veered off the path a bit. Hmm, that IS a great thought. Again, something I’ve always known, but have neglected to embrace in certain situations. Damnit, I’m going to get there eventually...If it’s the last thing I do. I PROMISE! (That was me speaking it into being)
Being a hypocrite is another one of my silly fears. I do my best to keep myself out of the denial mode, but sometimes I wonder if it’s just too much. Maybe working so hard will only result in me sliding deeper into the quicksand, instead of seeing things as clearly as I should. In my opinion most hypocrites are in denial, but then there are those who choose to take on the authority figure role and refuse to be accountable in order for them to sustain their position.
When it comes to my position in society, the only things I care about is making sure that I am honest with who I am inside and what I stand for. I don’t feel the need to try and manipulate or convince anyone that I am right for them romantically, the best friend they’ll ever have or the perfect role model. I don’t even believe in perfection anyway. I am who I say, with the knowledge and information I have about myself as of today. Change happens in my life, virtually overnight and I do my best to adjust. I am human and sometimes I do get into a funk, lose my way or trip over a pot hole once in a while.
So what is the puzzle I’ve spent so much time trying to put together? It’s a picture of myself. With every sunrise and sunset comes a new perspective of the people who have imprinted my life. The past is gone and the present I’m aware of. The future is what I’ll create alone with the cards God chooses to give me. I just have to try my very best to play smart and know when others are bluffing.
xoxo,
Cristin
Of course not everything is crystal clear, however, I’m aware of my own blemishes and contributions to those situations and will be accountable, whether I was right or wrong in the process of discovery. I don’t believe in victims when it comes to emotionally charged ordeals. The key factor in playing that role is denial. If you are unaware of the truth, how can you own up to the choices you’ve made? If you cannot see outside your self-confined box without windows and only place blame on others, how are you able to make the changes to create a healthier, happier existence? You can’t.
On the flip side, a lot of us have seen the truth while we were involved with someone romantically or otherwise, but chose to avoid the inevitable by putting on those rose tinted glasses. Damn, those things are always available to us aren’t they? The challenge is to practice will power when given the choice to wear them. Will power is a tricky thing. I have to say that mine is fueled by pride. If I’m adamant about an idea, the choice to walk away seems relatively simple from a physical standpoint. Then reality sets in and I’m forced to see the situation from a neutral perspective and re-adjust my opinions.
I am not a victim and I refuse to act as such. With this refusal comes the smashing of my pride and tossing aside expectations of myself and others. It’s not an easy feat, but absolutely necessary if the goal is achieving peace in my environment. I will do whatever it takes to see myself as I am and my best to see others for their truth as well. The one thing that prevents this from happening is actually getting something tangible to go on. I’ve always thought that if you get nothing, you can’t believe anything, but this is easier said than done. Our emotions always taint our perceptions, for good or ill. What’s worse is when you’re dealing with outside influences who toss their 2 cents in, but only contributing hearsay and confusing the situation even more.
I’ve been thinking about those blemishes and I found one that makes me more normal than I’d like. BLAME. Yep. I’ve been guilty of placing blame on someone without having concrete proof. With the situation I’m referring to, I realize that I’ve been a resident of Easy Street and I hate living there! So why, if I dislike that location so much, do I continue to renovate my home and converse with the neighbors instead of moving on? Oh wait! I AM moving, it’s just taking FOREVER to do it. I’m slow, but aren’t we all? When we know we have to do something that isn’t appealing, we take our sweet ‘ol time and all it does is delay our arrival to the true destination. This would be the town of Happyville.
Here’s a thought: Maybe taking Easy Street is just a detour, but will lead us to Happyville anyway. Living in Michigan is a nightmare when it comes to road construction. It always happens when we least expect it and there’s no control over the circumstances. We’re always forced to take a different route during the summer. The funny thing about construction is that there’s always a choice involved. We can sit in traffic for hours on one road, but a detour is always offered. My dumb ass usually passes on the detour, especially in areas that I’m unfamiliar with.
My fear is that I’ll get lost and have to call someone for directions, sounding like a complete idiot. As long as I get there, I shouldn’t care how it happens or how silly I look while I’m traveling. So what if I get lost? That’s life. Sometimes getting lost can introduce us to places, people and things we never would have known existed unless we veered off the path a bit. Hmm, that IS a great thought. Again, something I’ve always known, but have neglected to embrace in certain situations. Damnit, I’m going to get there eventually...If it’s the last thing I do. I PROMISE! (That was me speaking it into being)
Being a hypocrite is another one of my silly fears. I do my best to keep myself out of the denial mode, but sometimes I wonder if it’s just too much. Maybe working so hard will only result in me sliding deeper into the quicksand, instead of seeing things as clearly as I should. In my opinion most hypocrites are in denial, but then there are those who choose to take on the authority figure role and refuse to be accountable in order for them to sustain their position.
When it comes to my position in society, the only things I care about is making sure that I am honest with who I am inside and what I stand for. I don’t feel the need to try and manipulate or convince anyone that I am right for them romantically, the best friend they’ll ever have or the perfect role model. I don’t even believe in perfection anyway. I am who I say, with the knowledge and information I have about myself as of today. Change happens in my life, virtually overnight and I do my best to adjust. I am human and sometimes I do get into a funk, lose my way or trip over a pot hole once in a while.
So what is the puzzle I’ve spent so much time trying to put together? It’s a picture of myself. With every sunrise and sunset comes a new perspective of the people who have imprinted my life. The past is gone and the present I’m aware of. The future is what I’ll create alone with the cards God chooses to give me. I just have to try my very best to play smart and know when others are bluffing.
xoxo,
Cristin
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