The Journey To Joy: Confessions

I'm all about the truth.  Say it, show it and BE it as much as you possibly can.  I work hard at this every single day.  It's not easy when other people's feelings are involved, but still I do my best.  I've become a tad bit impatient where a personal situation is concerned and I had to fill in the gaps with some information.

I received a very calm and almost emotionless reaction, which didn't exactly surprise me.  That in itself seems like the confirmation to all the craziness I had in my head.  What bothers me is not the lack of emotion, but the solution moving forward.  There is still a lack of acceptance going on which puts me between a rock and a hard place.  Timing is what is getting on my nerves at the moment.

When we unload the stuff blocking our spirits from soaring, generally we feel as though the weight of the world has been released from our shoulders.  This did not happen for me.  The husband is right.  Letting go is the solution.  He's just wrong about what I should be letting go of.  What some people don't understand is that you can't truly let go of anything until you've released the negative aspects from your mind and heart.  This is what forgiveness is.  Once that occurs you will see things clearly and make the right decision about which path to take in the future.    

Though I know I'm seeing things as they really are, I'm being met with great resistance.  When this happens it's a sign to stop, relax and meditate.  Get through the darkness with patience then gather the strength to rip off the band-aid and take a flying leap into the unknown.  I can say that everything is out in the open and I do feel slightly better.  

Ultimately nobody gets the final say for how I'm going to live my life and with whom.  Though I'm not the only person affected by the decisions made, I'm the only one responsible for creating and maintaining my happiness.  This is not a responsibility the husband wants to take on or be a part of, as he's said often.  Obviously I'm going to respect that.  

Over time I've learned that I cannot rely on anyone, other than myself, in the process of transformation.  I've also accepted that some opinions given to me are from people who have an ulterior motive and not my best interests at heart.  A terribly disheartening feeling, to say the least, but it's my reality.  Generally the truth is supposed to set you free.  Going to confession is supposed to liberate your soul.  Perhaps it has for me, but not for everyone in this situation yet.  So I wait...