It's been almost a month since I posted last and unfortunately I don't have anything great to report. Nothing has changed and I'm not seeing signs that resolution is happening so I'm feeling quite defeated at the moment. As we all know the only thing we can control is ourselves so I'm doing what I can to go back to being me. I'm not asking permission and if certain people don't like it that's too damn bad.
We just got through a major eclipse and mercury retrograde. I was seriously hoping those influences would've been more helpful in not only clearing my space of bullshit, but also with removing people and situations that didn't belong in my life. I was met with hardcore stubbornness, resistance and denial. This is a confirmation that I'm in for a nasty process and my idea of having a proper, mature outcome probably isn't in the cards. This freaks me out a lot. I'm doing my best to keep the faith, but it's easier said than done. The last thing I need is to do what's right for my boys and I, only to get ridiculed and treated like shit. I know that's the natural outcome so I'm trying to manifest something more positive.
You know you're dealing with people who don't really get it when this is their reaction. There are more people who are self-serving than not in this world. This is a truth that really blows. I've been through this nastiness a few times before so it's not like I'm clueless or unable to get through it. I feel like a seasoned professional where endings and new beginnings are concerned.
This transition is pushing every uncomfortable button I have. I keep telling myself that each step will eventually get me the fuck out of this Hell I've been in for so long. "Just stay strong and honorable. Don't give up," I say. The only reason things are relatively tolerable at the moment is because I've stopped fighting temporarily. I need a fucking break. I'm using this time to take care of my boys, forgive and let go of unrelated garbage so that I have enough space in my energy to heal and move forward. That's all I can control right now. I'm knee deep in limbo land, but I'm viewing it as a place to take a breather before it's time to move on to the next step in my life.
Now let's talk about that eclipse and retrograde from last month...what a super huge mother of all fuckers! A LOT of the people I read for last month was feeling it. Just be glad it's over. Hopefully some of you found a way to use that energy to be productive. Unfortunately I wasn't able to, but I'm thinking this new moon at the end of the month could help.
We just got through a major eclipse and mercury retrograde. I was seriously hoping those influences would've been more helpful in not only clearing my space of bullshit, but also with removing people and situations that didn't belong in my life. I was met with hardcore stubbornness, resistance and denial. This is a confirmation that I'm in for a nasty process and my idea of having a proper, mature outcome probably isn't in the cards. This freaks me out a lot. I'm doing my best to keep the faith, but it's easier said than done. The last thing I need is to do what's right for my boys and I, only to get ridiculed and treated like shit. I know that's the natural outcome so I'm trying to manifest something more positive.
You know you're dealing with people who don't really get it when this is their reaction. There are more people who are self-serving than not in this world. This is a truth that really blows. I've been through this nastiness a few times before so it's not like I'm clueless or unable to get through it. I feel like a seasoned professional where endings and new beginnings are concerned.
This transition is pushing every uncomfortable button I have. I keep telling myself that each step will eventually get me the fuck out of this Hell I've been in for so long. "Just stay strong and honorable. Don't give up," I say. The only reason things are relatively tolerable at the moment is because I've stopped fighting temporarily. I need a fucking break. I'm using this time to take care of my boys, forgive and let go of unrelated garbage so that I have enough space in my energy to heal and move forward. That's all I can control right now. I'm knee deep in limbo land, but I'm viewing it as a place to take a breather before it's time to move on to the next step in my life.
Now let's talk about that eclipse and retrograde from last month...what a super huge mother of all fuckers! A LOT of the people I read for last month was feeling it. Just be glad it's over. Hopefully some of you found a way to use that energy to be productive. Unfortunately I wasn't able to, but I'm thinking this new moon at the end of the month could help.
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